A Better Me

My grandma had a plane ticket to come to my wedding in Seattle.  She never came.  Just one month before my wedding, she passed away.  The night before she died, a cousin of mine spent the night in her home and later recorded the last known conversation she had had. She mentioned several things but among them, she brought up my upcoming wedding and that I was too young to get married.

Little did anyone know at the time how much this haunted me.   

I didn't want to make a mistake.  I was young.  I had no idea that my grandma felt this way about my getting married.  In fact, she was the very first person I told about our engagement and the first to see my ring.  She had lived through a horrible marriage and knowing that she felt this way made me question whether I was doing the right thing.

I wasn't "looking" to get married at 20.  I had some other plans!  But I was raised in a home where my parents loved each other.  Through example, I was taught that commitment to one another through a marriage covenant was sacred.  I had also been taught that marriage was ordained of God; that it was important.  Although I was not looking to get married so young, I knew what I wanted in life at a young age.  When I married, it would be for good.  I had no interest in a single life full of freedom and flexibility.  I had also decided to live a chaste life and believed in complete fidelity. I had no interest in a casual relationship.  In this world, there are not many who believe the same.  So I was caught by surprise when I met my husband my sophomore year of college.  We had so much in common (beginning with our last name!) and he became my greatest friend.  As our relationship progressed, I realized that I did not want to live my life without him.  But I never expected the opportunity to come around when I was so young. When I think of it now, I can't believe how young I was!  Yikes!! I have a daughter who will be that age in 10 years!

Ultimately, after a couple weeks of some soul searching, I felt total peace and assurance about getting married, despite the way I knew my grandma or anyone else felt. I had had friends telling me this was crazy.  I stand today able to say that it was the best decision I have yet made in my lifetime.  I have no regrets.

From the get go, we decided to pattern our life and our marriage after a document distributed by the President of our Church.  Here are some of the teachings we are trying to follow:

"Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."  To read the entire document, go here.

Today is our 13th anniversary.  We have learned so much over the course of our marriage.  One of the things many of "the critics" said about marrying so young was that you can't really know you so young; "discover yourself before you find someone to share your life with..." is what I'd hear the experts say.  I specifically remember an episode where Oprah made this point very clear.


Maybe this is good advice, generally speaking. I didn't know everything about myself then and still don't, but at twenty, I knew who I was and what I wanted in this life.  I also know that because of my husband and our last 13 years together, I am a better me.  I wouldn't trade that for any plans I had before we met.  And I am confident that if my grandma could talk to me now, she would tell me that undoubtedly, I made the right choice.


Because I am a Mormon, I believe in marriage.  I believe it endures beyond death. I believe it makes our society better.  It has made me better.  My husband is my very best friend. How lucky am I, to have found someone at such a "young age".