As a young girl I had a bright yellow apron with tiny strawberry buttons. Like most little girls, when my mom was baking and wearing her apron, I wanted to put on that yellow apron and bake, too.
The thing I remember most about this yellow apron is how it came to be mine.
I can't remember her face. And I can't remember a name. (And my mom's memory is poor, she probably can't even remember this happening.) But it was impressed upon my memory so much that it has influenced choices I make with my own children. But there was a lady who lived nearby our family. My mom used to visit this woman and she brought me along. On one of her visits, the lady told me she wanted to help make me an apron. I got to pick out the strawberry buttons. I must have been four years old.
At the time, I was too young to understand this woman and her circumstances. As an adult, I still don't know, but I have a very good feeling that this was a woman who was in need. She probably wasn't my mom's first choice of a friend; I remember my parents having a lot of other friends. I have little doubt that my mom was trying to make a difference in this person's life. I don't ever remember her coming to my house. I only remember visiting hers.
There are countless memories of tagging along while my mom went from house to house offering a helping hand, bringing meals, attending Tupperware parties to show support, and sharing her faith and talents with those who needed it. She didn't do this because she had extra time on her hands. She did this because she is a disciple of Jesus Christ and has made a promise to Him that she would bear another's burdens, mourn with those who mourn, and serve.
These types of memories don't fade. There is a lot I can't remember about my childhood, but these times seem to be stuck there. Maybe because I needed to know how impressionable service opportunities would be for my own kids. Because now as a parent, when an opportunity is there, I want my kids to be with me. I want them to see that happiness in this life doesn't come from "things" but from service.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there are countless opportunities to serve. We are admonished to look for these opportunities and pray for them daily. Often times, when I pray for an opportunity to serve, I'm guided to one of my own children or even my husband and a need they have that day. Sometimes I have a feeling to call someone. And sometimes, it is to give a compliment or a smile. I have been given assignments at church that have taken as much of my time as a full-time job! There has never been a penny received in compensation! My husband worked a 14 hour day yesterday. Very normal for him. But after that long day, I got a phone call from him letting me know he was going to be late because he needed to go help someone move some furniture. There was no complaint, though I could hear in his voice it had been a long day. He came home with a smile on his face and was grateful he got off work just in time to help. My husband is also a disciple of Jesus Christ and has made a promise to bear another's burdens, mourn with those who mourn and serve.
Are members of my Church more kind than others? No. But members of my church have been taught, trained and admonished to serve their fellow men. From an early age, we participate in service projects, watch our parents care for the needs of others, we learn from scriptures how Christ served and we do our best to emulate Him. There is also the challenge from the Savior himself who admonished us to serve those who persecute us.
Just as little girls want to wear aprons and look just like their moms while baking, little children are learning from their parents example in how they live their lives. My mom didn't teach me to serve with words. That would have been very ineffective. She has taught me to serve by the way she lives her life. I hope to do the same for my kids. They live in a selfish, self-centered world. No wonder there is so much unhappiness. If I can teach them this one thing, their lives will have more meaning and they will find happiness.
Because I am a Mormon, I have dedicated my life to a life of service. For I believe that when I serve others, I am really serving my God.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Far above the price of rubies...
The older I get, the more clearly I see the dichotomy between the world's message on being happy and my own happiness.
Do what feels best for you...look out for you first...go and fulfill all your dreams at whatever cost... don't let anything or anyone get in your way of reaching your full potential...you're young, have fun; responsibility can come later in life...in order to be important, you must make your mark in this world in a BIG way...loyalty means little if you aren't happy...beauty comes in a size 2 and DD...self-worth comes from having a successful career...peace is obtained on vacation in paradise or at the spa...a woman can and should do all that a man does...
I have a mom who never listened to the world's message on how to be happy.
Thank goodness.
She never puts herself first. She has always supported her husband in his endeavors and made it possible for him to provide for our family, even at great sacrifice. She can't manage to let her mind rest for one minute when it comes to making sure everyone around her is content and comfortable. Although she makes it a priority to take care of herself, her wardrobe and personal care is never outrageous. She is modest. Her life is full of small and simple acts of kindness that have a great impact. Her vacations consisted of small ratty towns while sitting on bleachers, cheering at my softball tournaments or my brothers' baseball tournaments and our annual trip to visit her mom here in Utah. Her career is being a mother. And now a grandmother.
I am so grateful I was raised by such a woman. I think how different I would be if she had followed those other messages and the influence it would have had on me.
And now I have two beautiful daughters who watch my every move. The way I act, dress, talk, and live directly affects my children. I am so aware that the way I live my life will impact them. They will see through any hypocrisy, dishonesty or double standard I set. I must teach by doing.
Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done. No matter how I am doing, I always feel like I need to do better. I always feel a weight of responsibility on my shoulders for these three precious children who were given to us. I feel a constant sense of urgency to improve myself so that I can more effectively teach them. I am deliberately doing things in so many areas of my life with them in mind--all in hope that someday it will matter.
Proverbs 31:10-30 has helped me know what will make me happy as a woman and a mom:
"Who can find a virtous woman? for her price is far above rubies...the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her...she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life...she girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms...she stretched out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy...Strength and honour are her clothing...she openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness...Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her...Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."
If every woman lived this way, imagine the world we would live in.
I can call my mother "blessed". Her life is a witness to me that happiness comes in virtue and in having our strength be in the Lord.
A couple years back I wrote in a personal journal my thoughts on being a mom. I finished with this sentence:
"My part in this world is ever so small, but to my children, it is everything."
Because I am a Mormon, I know my worth as a woman and mother is great. Women partner with God as we do His work in raising children and making this world better. This is where women will find strength and power. Sooner or later, we will bridge this dichotomy and happiness will be abundant in the lives of women throughout the world.
Do what feels best for you...look out for you first...go and fulfill all your dreams at whatever cost... don't let anything or anyone get in your way of reaching your full potential...you're young, have fun; responsibility can come later in life...in order to be important, you must make your mark in this world in a BIG way...loyalty means little if you aren't happy...beauty comes in a size 2 and DD...self-worth comes from having a successful career...peace is obtained on vacation in paradise or at the spa...a woman can and should do all that a man does...
I have a mom who never listened to the world's message on how to be happy.
Thank goodness.
She never puts herself first. She has always supported her husband in his endeavors and made it possible for him to provide for our family, even at great sacrifice. She can't manage to let her mind rest for one minute when it comes to making sure everyone around her is content and comfortable. Although she makes it a priority to take care of herself, her wardrobe and personal care is never outrageous. She is modest. Her life is full of small and simple acts of kindness that have a great impact. Her vacations consisted of small ratty towns while sitting on bleachers, cheering at my softball tournaments or my brothers' baseball tournaments and our annual trip to visit her mom here in Utah. Her career is being a mother. And now a grandmother.
I am so grateful I was raised by such a woman. I think how different I would be if she had followed those other messages and the influence it would have had on me.
And now I have two beautiful daughters who watch my every move. The way I act, dress, talk, and live directly affects my children. I am so aware that the way I live my life will impact them. They will see through any hypocrisy, dishonesty or double standard I set. I must teach by doing.
Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done. No matter how I am doing, I always feel like I need to do better. I always feel a weight of responsibility on my shoulders for these three precious children who were given to us. I feel a constant sense of urgency to improve myself so that I can more effectively teach them. I am deliberately doing things in so many areas of my life with them in mind--all in hope that someday it will matter.
Proverbs 31:10-30 has helped me know what will make me happy as a woman and a mom:
"Who can find a virtous woman? for her price is far above rubies...the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her...she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life...she girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms...she stretched out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy...Strength and honour are her clothing...she openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness...Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her...Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."
If every woman lived this way, imagine the world we would live in.
I can call my mother "blessed". Her life is a witness to me that happiness comes in virtue and in having our strength be in the Lord.
A couple years back I wrote in a personal journal my thoughts on being a mom. I finished with this sentence:
"My part in this world is ever so small, but to my children, it is everything."
Because I am a Mormon, I know my worth as a woman and mother is great. Women partner with God as we do His work in raising children and making this world better. This is where women will find strength and power. Sooner or later, we will bridge this dichotomy and happiness will be abundant in the lives of women throughout the world.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Bursting the Bubble
I grew up in one of my favorite places on this earth. I love my hometown of Snohomish, Washington. We lived in the same area my whole childhood and my friends didn't change much from the time I was pretty young. They are amazing people. However, for the most part, there were not many Mormons. The LDS population was small, particularly in my age group and most of my friends belonged to another faith, or no religion at all. I recognized from an early age that we were different and I felt it.
Boy, do my kids have a different life.
I realized it a few years back when my daughter started assuming everyone on the planet was a Mormon. When I'd tell her specific people were not (mostly famous people!), she looked at me as if there was something wrong with them, like she didn't believe me. I began to see that my kids thought every single person they knew was a Mormon. To be fair, here in Utah, most of the people they know are of our same faith! Last summer we were visiting a good friend of mine and her family out of state. On the drive home, I heard my kids talking about whether or not these friends were LDS. When I chimed in to say that they were not Mormons, my daughter said, "but they seem like it...they are really nice people."
In an instant (and a panic) I was ready to make that 12 hour drive back home to Utah, pack up the house and move anywhere BUT there...far, far away from so many other LDS people!
Somehow, without me even aware, my daughter had made the assumption that in order to be a good, nice, decent person, you had to go to church; but not just any church, OUR church, and somewhere along the line her perspective became so contrary to reality that I didn't even know where to begin with it! How did this happen? Admittedly, it wasn't the first time I had heard this perspective, and it has always bugged me, but from my own daughter???
Good thing we got it out in the open! This was a reason I have feared raising a family in Utah. I didn't want my kids to miss out on something I experienced growing up: diversity. There just isn't much of it here. You have to look harder, that's for sure. As much as I would love to live elsewhere, this is home and this is where work is... there are many great and wonderful things about living here, too, but I have been worried about this issue. I knew after this conversation and a few others that we needed to make a greater effort to teach our kids that we are all God's children, no matter our religion, culture, race or beliefs. Brandon and I have shared countless stories of our friends and being in their homes and the goodness of those families. We've talked about differences and that they are okay; that we need to be tolerant of others beliefs and hope that they are accepting of our own. We never need to be ashamed of what we believe, and we need to stand for what we believe is right, but its okay if others don't agree. I've talked about some of my friends who have never been to any church and how they are great people! I've made an effort for the kids to get to know the one person we know in our neighborhood who is not a member of our church so they can see that she is a wonderful person. We've talked about never making others feel unloved because they are different. There are a handful of people in the area who are not LDS, and I'm sure it is not easy for them to be such a minority. Hopefully this open communication is working and the paradigm is shifting in their little minds!
In the 1800's, a newspaper editor contacted Joseph Smith and asked him what the members of the LDS church believed. Joseph's response came in the form of a letter with thirteen articles of faith.
Here is number twelve:
"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."
Some of the most charitable people I knew growing up were not of my faith. I feel privileged to have been raised among hardworking, family-oriented people who lived Christlike lives and had a powerful influence for good on me. I am grateful for such good people. I don't think any less of them for not believing as I do.
Because I am a Mormon, I believe we are all God's children. God doesn't have favorites and His Light and goodness abide in each one of us.
Boy, do my kids have a different life.
I realized it a few years back when my daughter started assuming everyone on the planet was a Mormon. When I'd tell her specific people were not (mostly famous people!), she looked at me as if there was something wrong with them, like she didn't believe me. I began to see that my kids thought every single person they knew was a Mormon. To be fair, here in Utah, most of the people they know are of our same faith! Last summer we were visiting a good friend of mine and her family out of state. On the drive home, I heard my kids talking about whether or not these friends were LDS. When I chimed in to say that they were not Mormons, my daughter said, "but they seem like it...they are really nice people."
In an instant (and a panic) I was ready to make that 12 hour drive back home to Utah, pack up the house and move anywhere BUT there...far, far away from so many other LDS people!
Somehow, without me even aware, my daughter had made the assumption that in order to be a good, nice, decent person, you had to go to church; but not just any church, OUR church, and somewhere along the line her perspective became so contrary to reality that I didn't even know where to begin with it! How did this happen? Admittedly, it wasn't the first time I had heard this perspective, and it has always bugged me, but from my own daughter???
Good thing we got it out in the open! This was a reason I have feared raising a family in Utah. I didn't want my kids to miss out on something I experienced growing up: diversity. There just isn't much of it here. You have to look harder, that's for sure. As much as I would love to live elsewhere, this is home and this is where work is... there are many great and wonderful things about living here, too, but I have been worried about this issue. I knew after this conversation and a few others that we needed to make a greater effort to teach our kids that we are all God's children, no matter our religion, culture, race or beliefs. Brandon and I have shared countless stories of our friends and being in their homes and the goodness of those families. We've talked about differences and that they are okay; that we need to be tolerant of others beliefs and hope that they are accepting of our own. We never need to be ashamed of what we believe, and we need to stand for what we believe is right, but its okay if others don't agree. I've talked about some of my friends who have never been to any church and how they are great people! I've made an effort for the kids to get to know the one person we know in our neighborhood who is not a member of our church so they can see that she is a wonderful person. We've talked about never making others feel unloved because they are different. There are a handful of people in the area who are not LDS, and I'm sure it is not easy for them to be such a minority. Hopefully this open communication is working and the paradigm is shifting in their little minds!
In the 1800's, a newspaper editor contacted Joseph Smith and asked him what the members of the LDS church believed. Joseph's response came in the form of a letter with thirteen articles of faith.
Here is number twelve:
"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."
Some of the most charitable people I knew growing up were not of my faith. I feel privileged to have been raised among hardworking, family-oriented people who lived Christlike lives and had a powerful influence for good on me. I am grateful for such good people. I don't think any less of them for not believing as I do.
Because I am a Mormon, I believe we are all God's children. God doesn't have favorites and His Light and goodness abide in each one of us.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
A Model for Parenting
When I had my first child in my early twenties, I had no idea how my life would change. In an instant, I said farewell to my old way of viewing the world and was left with a whole new perspective on life. My life mattered in a way it had never mattered before and I wanted to make the most of this opportunity to be a parent.
I studied marriage and family relationships in college; particularly relationships between parent and child. I worked with children whose parents had harmed them in every way imaginable. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I gained a greater appreciation for my upbringing, and a great sense of sympathy for those who suffer from broken family relationships. In one of my classes, we had to write a book entitled "How to be a Good Parent"--based on our research that semester. WOW...did I think I had all the answers! That professor was cruel!
When I need a good laugh, I read that book!
I had no idea how to be a good parent then and after almost 11 years, I still don't! But what I do know is that I have learned more about myself and about life because I am a parent. I am so grateful to be a mom.
My kids are children of God. Yes, I gave birth to them, feed them, teach them, clothe them, make them do chores and practice their instruments and all the other crumby things parents have to do. But at the end of the day, these children aren't all mine. When I see them as God's children, I see their greatness. Their worth as individuals is greater than I can ever know or understand. Their individuality and personality is present as a newborn. God knows them--inside and out. When I don't understand them or don't have the ability to know how to handle a situation with one of them, God does. And through prayer, I ask for help. I know He gives me the ability to nurture them in the way He would, when I humble myself to understand. When I acknowledge that I NEED help.
Just today my daughter was crying over everything. She clearly didn't feel well, but she was also overwhelmed by life. She didn't want to do anything; her homework, practice her piano or violin, read, make her bed, pick up her backpack off the floor, get her pajamas on, brush her teeth, go to bed...anything I asked her to do resulted in tears. I remained calm and did not react to any of the "noise" that she made after any request...."I hate school"..."I hate brushing my teeth"..."I hate waking up early in the morning". She finally broke down and sobbed. She cried, "I just had a hard day and don't want to do anything!"
As I was hugging her, letting her cry into my stomach, I had a thought come to me with great clarity. Maybe it is common knowledge to most people, but I believe it came in the moment I needed it after praying to know how to help her. It was this: when we want to quit life and everything seems hard, does God let us? Does He take away everything challenging in our lives? Does He give us a few days off when it gets too much? Does He do hard things for us? No, no, no and no. But, He will be there for us, helping every step of the way if we let Him. I knew I needed to follow that perfect pattern and do the same. I left the unpacking, laundry and cleaning I was doing and spent the rest of the evening doing everything with her.
By bedtime, she was herself.
As I said goodnight, I shared with her the thoughts that came to me earlier. She understood and fell asleep a happy, peaceful, very tired girl.
My children know they are God's children. They will find strength in knowing that as they live their lives. When they struggle, and they will struggle, they will know what source to turn to when they need help--big or small. When I struggle as a parent, I know what source to look to for help. I know who my Father is and I believe that He helps me and gives me strength, patience, understanding and abilities beyond my own. When in doubt, I will look to Him and follow His way of parenting. He doesn't coerce, He isn't critical, He isn't manipulative or controlling, He doesn't belittle, He isn't uninvolved, He isn't permissive, and He never removes His outstretched hand toward His children.
Because I am a Mormon, I believe there is a perfect example of a good parent.
He is Father to us all.
I studied marriage and family relationships in college; particularly relationships between parent and child. I worked with children whose parents had harmed them in every way imaginable. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I gained a greater appreciation for my upbringing, and a great sense of sympathy for those who suffer from broken family relationships. In one of my classes, we had to write a book entitled "How to be a Good Parent"--based on our research that semester. WOW...did I think I had all the answers! That professor was cruel!
When I need a good laugh, I read that book!
I had no idea how to be a good parent then and after almost 11 years, I still don't! But what I do know is that I have learned more about myself and about life because I am a parent. I am so grateful to be a mom.
My kids are children of God. Yes, I gave birth to them, feed them, teach them, clothe them, make them do chores and practice their instruments and all the other crumby things parents have to do. But at the end of the day, these children aren't all mine. When I see them as God's children, I see their greatness. Their worth as individuals is greater than I can ever know or understand. Their individuality and personality is present as a newborn. God knows them--inside and out. When I don't understand them or don't have the ability to know how to handle a situation with one of them, God does. And through prayer, I ask for help. I know He gives me the ability to nurture them in the way He would, when I humble myself to understand. When I acknowledge that I NEED help.
Just today my daughter was crying over everything. She clearly didn't feel well, but she was also overwhelmed by life. She didn't want to do anything; her homework, practice her piano or violin, read, make her bed, pick up her backpack off the floor, get her pajamas on, brush her teeth, go to bed...anything I asked her to do resulted in tears. I remained calm and did not react to any of the "noise" that she made after any request...."I hate school"..."I hate brushing my teeth"..."I hate waking up early in the morning". She finally broke down and sobbed. She cried, "I just had a hard day and don't want to do anything!"
As I was hugging her, letting her cry into my stomach, I had a thought come to me with great clarity. Maybe it is common knowledge to most people, but I believe it came in the moment I needed it after praying to know how to help her. It was this: when we want to quit life and everything seems hard, does God let us? Does He take away everything challenging in our lives? Does He give us a few days off when it gets too much? Does He do hard things for us? No, no, no and no. But, He will be there for us, helping every step of the way if we let Him. I knew I needed to follow that perfect pattern and do the same. I left the unpacking, laundry and cleaning I was doing and spent the rest of the evening doing everything with her.
By bedtime, she was herself.
As I said goodnight, I shared with her the thoughts that came to me earlier. She understood and fell asleep a happy, peaceful, very tired girl.
My children know they are God's children. They will find strength in knowing that as they live their lives. When they struggle, and they will struggle, they will know what source to turn to when they need help--big or small. When I struggle as a parent, I know what source to look to for help. I know who my Father is and I believe that He helps me and gives me strength, patience, understanding and abilities beyond my own. When in doubt, I will look to Him and follow His way of parenting. He doesn't coerce, He isn't critical, He isn't manipulative or controlling, He doesn't belittle, He isn't uninvolved, He isn't permissive, and He never removes His outstretched hand toward His children.
Because I am a Mormon, I believe there is a perfect example of a good parent.
He is Father to us all.
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