Bursting the Bubble

I grew up in one of my favorite places on this earth.  I love my hometown of Snohomish, Washington.  We lived in the same area my whole childhood and my friends didn't change much from the time I was pretty young.  They are amazing people.  However, for the most part, there were not many Mormons.  The LDS population was small, particularly in my age group and most of my friends belonged to another faith, or no religion at all. I recognized from an early age that we were different and I felt it.

Boy, do my kids have a different life.

I realized it a few years back when my daughter started assuming everyone on the planet was a Mormon.  When I'd tell her specific people were not (mostly famous people!), she looked at me as if there was something wrong with them, like she didn't believe me.  I began to see that my kids thought every single person they knew was a Mormon.  To be fair, here in Utah, most of the people they know are of our same faith! Last summer we were visiting a good friend of mine and her family out of state.  On the drive home, I heard my kids talking about whether or not these friends were LDS.  When I chimed in to say that they were not Mormons, my daughter said, "but they seem like it...they are really nice people."

In an instant (and a panic) I was ready to make that 12 hour drive back home to Utah, pack up the house and move anywhere BUT there...far, far away from so many other LDS people!

Somehow, without me even aware, my daughter had made the assumption that in order to be a good, nice, decent person, you had to go to church; but not just any church, OUR church, and somewhere along the line her perspective became so contrary to reality that I didn't even know where to begin with it! How did this happen? Admittedly, it wasn't the first time I had heard this perspective, and it has always bugged me, but from my own daughter???

Good thing we got it out in the open!  This was a reason I have feared raising a family in Utah.  I didn't want my kids to miss out on something I experienced growing up: diversity.  There just isn't much of it here.  You have to look harder, that's for sure.  As much as I would love to live elsewhere, this is home and this is where work is... there are many great and wonderful things about living here, too, but I have been worried about this issue.  I knew after this conversation and a few others that we needed to make a greater effort to teach our kids that we are all God's children, no matter our religion, culture, race or beliefs. Brandon and I have shared countless stories of our friends and being in their homes and the goodness of those families.  We've talked about differences and that they are okay; that we need to be tolerant of others beliefs and hope that they are accepting of our own. We never need to be ashamed of what we believe, and we need to stand for what we believe is right, but its okay if others don't agree. I've talked about some of my friends who have never been to any church and how they are great people!  I've made an effort for the kids to get to know the one person we know in our neighborhood who is not a member of our church so they can see that she is a wonderful person. We've talked about never making others feel unloved because they are different.  There are a handful of people in the area who are not LDS, and I'm sure it is not easy for them to be such a minority. Hopefully this open communication is working and the paradigm is shifting in their little minds!

In the 1800's, a newspaper editor contacted Joseph Smith and asked him what the members of the LDS church believed.  Joseph's response came in the form of a letter with thirteen articles of faith.

Here is number twelve:

"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."

Some of the most charitable people I knew growing up were not of my faith.  I feel privileged to have been raised among hardworking, family-oriented people who lived Christlike lives and had a powerful influence for good on me. I am grateful for such good people.  I don't think any less of them for not believing as I do.

Because I am a Mormon, I believe we are all God's children.  God doesn't have favorites and His Light and goodness abide in each one of us.

Almost as good as Christmas...

Like most children, I remember as a young girl coloring Easter eggs, finding hidden eggs, then finding my Easter basket, getting a nice Easter dress to wear to church and of course, the Easter bunny.  (Though I never pictured an actual bunny, it was more like a six foot character you see dressed up at the mall....)   It was like a second Christmas--but not quite as good.

As a teenager, I once heard a young man speak and it had an impact on me.  He was a quadriplegic as the result of a boating accident.  He spoke of the Resurrection--the reuniting of his body and spirit, no longer subject to death or accident-- and what it meant to him.  It had a profound effect on me as I was able to see how this man, whose body was crippled and without proper function, had hope for a day when his body would once again be made whole.  After hearing him speak, whenever the Resurrection was mentioned around Easter time, I associated my thoughts with this man and others who were in need of a new body.  But I was still far from understanding.

Jesus is the Christ.  That doesn't mean much to a lot of people.  But it means everything!  It is hard for me to understand why the Jews were so blind that they couldn't see who He truly was; it is hard for me to believe that one of His closest friends betrayed Him for just 30 pieces of silver; it is too much for me to imagine the pain He suffered for all of mankind.  For me. 

But aren't we all guilty of betraying Him in some way or another?  Aren't we all blind to some degree?  Haven't we all added to His suffering and pain?

When Christ was risen from the tomb on that Easter morning over two thousand years ago, it meant so much more than my human mind can comprehend.  The pain and sorrow of death was wiped away.  It made all things possible through Him.  Not only for those whose bodies have failed them, or for the grieving parents who've lost their child to death, but for those who betray Him every day--for each of us.  Christ died because it was necessary for us.  But Hope did not die when Jesus Christ was crucified.  Because of the Resurrection, hope must reach all of us.  There is nothing that hope cannot touch.

I am still far from understanding the Atonement of Jesus Christ, His life and the meaning of all things. I know He is my Redeemer, that He lives today.  He loves me and is my advocate with the Father. I have felt that.  His mercy extends to all of us, no matter how much we have betrayed Him.  No matter our blindness. 

Everyone will be resurrected--those who followed the Savior, and those who did not.  He died that we might all live again. Families can be together forever.


Easter isn't second to Christmas.  Jesus Christ's birth would mean nothing without His Resurrection!

Because I am a Mormon, I believe in a Resurrected Christ.  He lives!

There is hope for all of us.

A Model for Parenting

When I had my first child in my early twenties, I had no idea how my life would change.  In an instant, I said farewell to my old way of viewing the world and was left with a whole new perspective on life.  My life mattered in a way it had never mattered before and I wanted to make the most of this opportunity to be a parent.

I studied marriage and family relationships in college; particularly relationships between parent and child.  I worked with children whose parents had harmed them in every way imaginable.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I gained a greater appreciation for my upbringing, and a great sense of sympathy for those who suffer from broken family relationships.  In one of my classes, we had to write a book entitled "How to be a Good Parent"--based on our research that semester.  WOW...did I think I had all the answers! That professor was cruel!

When I need a good laugh, I read that book!

I had no idea how to be a good parent then and after almost 11 years, I still don't!  But what I do know is that I have learned more about myself and about life because I am a parent.  I am so grateful to be a mom.

My kids are children of God.  Yes, I gave birth to them, feed them, teach them, clothe them, make them do chores and practice their instruments and all the other crumby things parents have to do.  But at the end of the day, these children aren't all mine. When I see them as God's children, I see their greatness.  Their worth as individuals is greater than I can ever know or understand.  Their individuality and personality is present as a newborn. God knows them--inside and out.  When I don't understand them or don't have the ability to know how to handle a situation with one of them, God does.  And through prayer, I ask for help.  I know He gives me the ability to nurture them in the way He would, when I humble myself to understand.  When I acknowledge that I NEED help. 

Just today my daughter was crying over everything.  She clearly didn't feel well, but she was also overwhelmed by life.  She didn't want to do anything; her homework, practice her piano or violin, read, make her bed, pick up her backpack off the floor, get her pajamas on, brush her teeth, go to bed...anything I asked her to do resulted in tears.  I remained calm and did not react to any of the "noise" that she made after any request...."I hate school"..."I hate brushing my teeth"..."I hate waking up early in the morning". She finally broke down and sobbed.  She cried, "I just had a hard day and don't want to do anything!" 

As I was hugging her, letting her cry into my stomach, I had a thought come to me with great clarity.  Maybe it is common knowledge to most people, but I believe it came in the moment I needed it after praying to know how to help her.  It was this: when we want to quit life and everything seems hard, does God let us?  Does He take away everything challenging in our lives?  Does He give us a few days off when it gets too much?  Does He do hard things for us?  No, no, no and no.  But, He will be there for us, helping every step of the way if we let Him.  I knew I needed to follow that perfect pattern and do the same.  I left the unpacking, laundry and cleaning I was doing and spent the rest of the evening doing everything with her.

By bedtime, she was herself.

As I said goodnight, I shared with her the thoughts that came to me earlier.  She understood and fell asleep a happy, peaceful, very tired girl. 

My children know they are God's children.  They will find strength in knowing that as they live their lives.  When they struggle, and they will struggle, they will know what source to turn to when they need help--big or small.  When I struggle as a parent, I know what source to look to for help.  I know who my Father is and I believe that He helps me and gives me strength, patience, understanding and abilities beyond my own. When in doubt, I will look to Him and follow His way of parenting.  He doesn't coerce, He isn't critical, He isn't manipulative or controlling, He doesn't belittle, He isn't uninvolved, He isn't permissive, and He never removes His outstretched hand toward His children.

Because I am a Mormon, I believe there is a perfect example of a good parent. 

He is Father to us all.

A Better Me

My grandma had a plane ticket to come to my wedding in Seattle.  She never came.  Just one month before my wedding, she passed away.  The night before she died, a cousin of mine spent the night in her home and later recorded the last known conversation she had had. She mentioned several things but among them, she brought up my upcoming wedding and that I was too young to get married.

Little did anyone know at the time how much this haunted me.   

I didn't want to make a mistake.  I was young.  I had no idea that my grandma felt this way about my getting married.  In fact, she was the very first person I told about our engagement and the first to see my ring.  She had lived through a horrible marriage and knowing that she felt this way made me question whether I was doing the right thing.

I wasn't "looking" to get married at 20.  I had some other plans!  But I was raised in a home where my parents loved each other.  Through example, I was taught that commitment to one another through a marriage covenant was sacred.  I had also been taught that marriage was ordained of God; that it was important.  Although I was not looking to get married so young, I knew what I wanted in life at a young age.  When I married, it would be for good.  I had no interest in a single life full of freedom and flexibility.  I had also decided to live a chaste life and believed in complete fidelity. I had no interest in a casual relationship.  In this world, there are not many who believe the same.  So I was caught by surprise when I met my husband my sophomore year of college.  We had so much in common (beginning with our last name!) and he became my greatest friend.  As our relationship progressed, I realized that I did not want to live my life without him.  But I never expected the opportunity to come around when I was so young. When I think of it now, I can't believe how young I was!  Yikes!! I have a daughter who will be that age in 10 years!

Ultimately, after a couple weeks of some soul searching, I felt total peace and assurance about getting married, despite the way I knew my grandma or anyone else felt. I had had friends telling me this was crazy.  I stand today able to say that it was the best decision I have yet made in my lifetime.  I have no regrets.

From the get go, we decided to pattern our life and our marriage after a document distributed by the President of our Church.  Here are some of the teachings we are trying to follow:

"Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."  To read the entire document, go here.

Today is our 13th anniversary.  We have learned so much over the course of our marriage.  One of the things many of "the critics" said about marrying so young was that you can't really know you so young; "discover yourself before you find someone to share your life with..." is what I'd hear the experts say.  I specifically remember an episode where Oprah made this point very clear.


Maybe this is good advice, generally speaking. I didn't know everything about myself then and still don't, but at twenty, I knew who I was and what I wanted in this life.  I also know that because of my husband and our last 13 years together, I am a better me.  I wouldn't trade that for any plans I had before we met.  And I am confident that if my grandma could talk to me now, she would tell me that undoubtedly, I made the right choice.


Because I am a Mormon, I believe in marriage.  I believe it endures beyond death. I believe it makes our society better.  It has made me better.  My husband is my very best friend. How lucky am I, to have found someone at such a "young age".

Symbol of Life

As a child, I could always distinguish between a Mormon church and any other Christian denomination's building.  Our buildings were often constructed with the same red brick, the same architecture and the same well-groomed grounds.  But what clued me in the quickest was to look up.  If there wasn't a cross, most often it was one of ours.

Christians the world over use the cross as a symbol of their Christianity.  I understand and respect the significance of the cross as a symbol of others' outward expression of what is sacred to them.  But I do not use this symbol for the same purpose.  In fact, it is discouraged among members of our church to use the cross as a symbol in any building, temple, home, book or even a necklace!  The cross represents the crucifixion and death of the Savior of the World.  It was a common form of punishment in the day of Christ.  Many people were killed by the cross, not just Jesus. 

We choose to celebrate the Living Christ, not His death.

I love Christmastime.  The whole world seems to be singing songs of faith, family, doing good to others, and Jesus Christ.  We honor His birth by remembering Him through song, story and service.  There isn't another month in the year where so many focus on such good things. 

We've all heard the story a million times...Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus, the wise men, the shepherds, the angel...It is good to hear it each year and I love that my children can now tell the story as well.  But I want them to know so much more than the story of His birth.  I want them to know that He lives.  And because He lives, we can overcome sin, sorrow and death.  Because He lives, our lives have more meaning and purpose than we can ever know. Because He lives, we are loved. The prophecies of His birth flood the pages in the Bible.  Historically speaking, because of the prophecies, the Jews were awaiting a King to be born to come and rule them.  They were looking in the wrong places. They did not anticipate Him coming in the humble way He did.  (Likewise, we are often searching and hoping for something and miss it because it doesn't come in the way we expect.)  The Jews ended up killing their long awaited King.  Sadly, they did not recognize who He was.  Even more sadly, so many do not know Him today or recognize His mercy and love. 

I know that Christ came to the earth as a baby in Bethlehem; He lived on the earth, He was killed (foretold by prophets who lived long before He came), and He was resurrected three days later (also prophesied).  He lives today.  I have read His words in the New Testament, I have read the prophecies in the Old, He is the Savior of all men.  All the songs we sing are in honor and praise of Him as the Redeemer of the World.  He was not just a great man, He is the Son of God.  I do not comprehend all things, and I can't explain most things, but I believe He is real.

When former President of the Church, Gordon B. Hinckley, was asked by a minister of another faith why he didn't see a cross in any of our temples, President Hinckley said, “The lives of our people must become the only meaningful expression of our faith and, in fact, therefore, the symbol of our worship.”

Because I am a Mormon, the symbol of my faith is not the cross.  Hopefully, it is the way I live my life in an effort to emulate the life of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

I hope to wear that around my neck all the days of my life.

I'll always have a friend.

We were married 6 weeks before Brandon took off for the entire Spring for work!  In a perfect world, I would have gone with him, but I was in the thick of my college courses and was trying to be responsible and finish my degree.  So while he was basking in the sun (ha!) in Palm Springs and Kauai while filming a movie and then enjoying the sights of Wales while shooting a documentary, I was a student at BYU.

And I was alone.

Before we married, I lived with four other girls--some of my favorite people in the world! There was never a dull moment.  There was never "alone" time. There was always something exciting going on and then suddenly, I found myself with a "married" social status and a "single" social life. I didn't have any married friends around me. It is challenging to fit in with other married couples when your significant other is gone for months at a time. A few times, I went back to the old apartment and hung out. Although I loved my friends, I realized I didn't fit in with the single scene.  In my new ward (the congregation I was assigned to based on the location where we lived), each Sunday every pew had a couple sitting together. I sat by myself.  I'm horrible at making new friends, and I just didn't.  I've always been blessed with many friends--many different circles of friends! But I was terribly lonely and I found myself checking off the days on my calendar until my semester ended so I could join Brandon in Hawaii for a couple of weeks before my Spring term began.

Pathetic, I know.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has an organization for women called Relief Society.  It was restored in the the mid-1800's by the Prophet Joseph Smith and today, it stands as the largest organization of women throughout the world.  The purpose of the society is just as its title suggests: to help the poor in spirit and administer relief to those in need.  When I turned 18, I was automatically inducted into this organization because I was a baptized member of the church.  But when I was 18, this meant very little to me.  I didn't ever think of "relieving" anyone's burdens and I certainly didn't recognize I was a member in the organization. Within this organization, there is a program called Visiting Teaching.  A pair of women is assigned to visit a sister or two (or sometimes 3 or 4 depending on the needs of the area) and each month, a visit is arranged so that the women can assess needs and deliver a short message of encouragement and hope. If there is a need, service is rendered, meals are brought in, help is given.  In short, an assignment is made to be a friend.

In this new married ward, I was first assigned to visit teach with a girl who recently moved to the U.S.  She had joined our church, gotten married and left her entire family in Korea.  Her new husband was in graduate school at BYU and she was trying to adjust to marriage, a new language and a new country.  I could not understand a word she said.  Here I was, desperately needing a friend, and they assigned me to someone I couldn't even communicate with? Month after month, she called and arranged the visits with the women we were supposed to visit.  We took turns giving the short message.  I struggled to understand her, but after time, I learned to appreciate her so much. I quickly realized how grateful I was for her! She was an amazing person with an incredible story.  She loved me and always came and found me at church and linked her arm in mine. She made me little gifts that meant so much to me.  She was my friend! Not necessarily one I would've sought out on my own, but exactly who I needed.  One time during one of our visits, she brought her guitar along.  She sang a song and I understood every word she sang. It was beautiful.  I was taking a guitar class at the time and she helped me with some technique.  I found myself better communicating with her and after awhile, I absolutely loved her.  She was my only friend in that ward until my brother and his wife moved in. We only lived there for a couple of years and I have no idea where this woman lives and what her life is like now.  I wish I could remember her last name so I could look her up. 

Any time I have moved to a new area, my first friend is my visiting teaching partner.  Shy people like me find it hard to make friends; it takes time.  I'm just not the outgoing type and I'm okay with that. There are 12 million plus members of my church in this world and I know that no matter where I live, I will find a friend through visiting teaching. For some reason, it always seems to be the right person for me at the time.

Because I am a Mormon, I am a Visiting Teacher.  Right now, I am assigned an amazing companion and three women who I love, pray for, learn from and look forward to visiting each month.

And I will always have a friend.

'A Protective Shield from Economic Distress'

“Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it”

This is a verse from the book of Malachi in the Holy Bible.

 To 'tithe' means to give a tenth part of something as a voluntary contribution. We learn in the bible, that tithing was fundamental to the Law of Moses in ancient times. Today in my church, it is fundamental as well. If you've ever seen an LDS temple or church building, it was constructed, operated and paid for by tithing funds. There are 166 temples either operating, under construction or that have been announced. There are other ways tithing funds are used as well. We are commanded to give ten percent of our increase to the Lord through His church.  That is ten percent across the board; no matter if you make millions or live in poverty, the commandment is the same. This is one commandment we can live perfectly.

It might be easy to look at our annual salaries and think of hundreds of other things to spend 10% of our income on.  I'm sure if I thought about it long enough, I could come up with a nice list.  Surely, in these challenging economic times, one might consider tithing as a frivolous expenditure. But lucky for us and our marriage, we agree that tithing is our first financial priority. We cannot pick and choose when it is convenient to pay tithing.  It is never convenient.  Like most newlyweds, when we were first married, we had some years when we could have used that extra 10% income, but we never questioned where that money belonged. We have been blessed because of it. The windows of heaven have definitely poured down upon us--not with wealth, but with whatever is needed.  Brandon's business depends entirely on contract work. There is no bi-monthly paycheck coming in. No annual salary. There is no way of knowing what next year's income will be.  There is never certainty when it comes to finances for anyone, but certainly not us.  On days like today, Brandon wrote out the tithing check with no foreseeable work beyond next week! But we pay in faith, believing that work will come.  And it does. I read a quote today that said "paying tithing is a protective shield from economic distress." (Heber J. Grant) This has been true for us.

A couple of years ago we hired a new accountant.  He looked over our finances and then gave us some advice on how to better invest and manage our money.  One of his suggestions was to pay less tithing. He said we were "overpaying." He told us that because my husband's business had expenses we deducted from our taxable income, we should also deduct that amount from the total we paid tithing on.  When we first heard this we were excited to learn about the extra money we would have each year.  However, my good husband came to me a day or two later and told me he felt we needed to continue to pay tithing the same way we had been paying it.  As soon as he said it, and probably before (but I'm not as good as him), I knew he was right.  To each his own, but for us, we had to do what felt right for us.

I recently heard someone say that it is a lot to ask from people who can't afford to pay tithing.  It is difficult for me not to ask, how can we afford not to?

It is a matter of faith. 

When I drive past a beautiful temple, initially, I do not always think of the grandeur and beauty that emanates from the building.  Instead, I tend to think of the sacrifice of the millions of people who contributed their offerings.  I think of those members who live in India, near my brother's family, who have so little, yet pay in faith with very little likelihood that they will ever set foot in a temple.  I think of those who deserve better living conditions and choose faith and obedience over wealth and prosperity. I think of the sacrifice of my Grandma Cardall who made a meager income after her husband abandoned her to raise five young children on her own. I think of my daughter who counted her coins this morning  so she could also contribute. Then she asked me, "can I pay more or will they only let me pay 10%?"

In short, tithing is a blessing. I believe all I have is from God.  All of it.  He can give at any time, and He can take away at any time.  So really, we must be wise with the other 90% of income we receive each year as well. Since I am a stay at home mom, I can tithe in other ways.  My time. My talents. I can teach my children to do the same.  Tithing has also taught me to not put so much emphasis on accumulating money. I am a direct descendant of the third President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, John Taylor.  A friend of his, also a leader in the church, B.H. Roberts, said that President Taylor's motto was—’Money is of little importance where truth is concerned.’

I hope to live my life the same way.

Because I am a Mormon, I believe in tithing.

Hong Kong LDS Temple

Draper, UT LDS Temple

Accra, Ghana LDS Temple

Laie, Hawaii LDS Temple

Nauvoo, Illinois LDS Temple