Baptism

I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when I was eight years old in Everett, Washington.  I can’t remember all of the details, but I certainly remember some.  I remember that my grandma came from out of state, I received my first copy of the Book of Mormon signed by my bishop, my family went out to eat at Round Table Pizza afterwards, my dad went to church the next day, my mom had written a song about Baptism and sang it with the other mom whose daughter was baptized that day; I remember that when I received my first set up scriptures I opened them up to the very page that had the verse that was on my baptism program.  At the time, that was special to me.  Most of all, I remember how I felt so happy on that spring day in 1986.

We believe in baptism by immersion, fully immersing our bodies under the water.  This symbolizes the death, burial and resurrection of Christ.  In the Bible we learn this is how John the Baptist baptized Jesus. Through baptism, we receive a remission of sins, we gain membership into the Church and we make it possible for us to return to live with God.  Baptism is the first saving ordinance.  An ordinance is a sacred, formal act performed by someone who has authority from God.  When we are baptized, a covenant is made.  A covenant is a promise made with God.  At baptism, we promise to keep His commandments, always remember Him and take His name upon us.  He promises to forgive our sins and He allows the Spirit to always be with us.

I have had the privilege of witnessing three of my own little 8 year olds take this giant step in their lives.  With each one, I have wondered if they were old enough to understand the implications of the covenant they were making with God.  I certainly didn’t want them to take this step because I was forcing them to do it.  I wanted it to be from their own free will and choice.  The past several months we have been preparing our son, Luke, for baptism.  We’ve tried to teach him the importance, what it means, and how it can bless his life.  On Friday night, I found some alone time with Luke and I sat him down and told him, “Luke, you know you don’t have to be baptized tomorrow.”  He looked at me like “who are you and what have you done with my mom?” I told him this was an important decision that he was old enough to make on his own, but if he didn’t want to do it, it would be okay.  He said in return, “I want to be baptized. I want to live with Jesus again.”

His baptism was yesterday.  He was so happy.  He felt special all day long.  Many people came to support him.  I’m not sure what he’ll remember of it when he’s my age, but I hope he remembers how he felt, because I know he felt so much happiness and love. These feelings are such a testament to why I believe as I do.

This morning, I was reading in my bed and Luke came running into my room and jumped on my bed.  He said, “Mom, when do I get to make my second covenant?”

He felt so good with the first promise he made to Heavenly Father, he can hardly wait for the next.  My own heart was filled with joy.

Because I am a Mormon, I believe in baptism by immersion by the proper authority.  It is sacred.  It is a reminder of a personal commitment to Jesus Christ. And now, for Luke, he has his own reminder.  I hope he never forgets.

Opposition

Shanghai, Beijing, Uganda, Tel Aviv, Geneva, London, NYC and Detroit.  What do all these places have in common?  Since September, my husband has worked in all of these cities.  He left again today for Asheville, North Carolina and will be working his way up the east coast to Baltimore.  Each week until Christmas, he is scheduled to be gone, (except Thanksgiving--yay)!  And we miss him already!  He just returned on Friday from the last trip!  It seems he is barely home long enough to get some laundry done before he is off again.  Life doesn't stop when he comes home either.  I have commitments, the kids have activities, friends/family need meals or time or love or all of the above.  I'm not about to complain!  But there is a cost that comes, and I have learned the necessity of having my priorities straight, efficient time management, not taking on more than I can handle and the art of recognizing my blessings.  Inevitably, appliances and cars break down when spouses are away!  Kids get sick.  Moms get sick!  Important documents need signing.  I bought our last house when Brandon was traveling! The list goes on...


The past several months have been insane for us.  We still have things left unfinished on our new home.  As workers come to finish, they point out things that need to be redone because they were done incorrectly, they throw numbers and words out about framing, electrical or plumbing as if what they are saying makes perfect sense to me!  Its difficult knowing who or what to trust.  We've been burned.  I've been naive and too trusting.

Kids come with their own individual struggles and our family is no exception.  Constant concern over what is best for them, time needed with each one, and learning how to advocate for them is something I spend a great deal of time on.  Getting to the root of learning disabilities, speech impediments, potentially fatal allergies, emotional issues and more takes time and a lot more emotion! 

We are not immune to health challenges.  I have a bag next to my bed that is host to a dozen pills I take every day.  Kids whose bodies aren't functioning right and need medicine to rely on for the rest of their lives is something that will keep you up at night! And learning how to discern between normal child behavior or behavior caused by a disease that messes with hormones is another challenge!  Searching for avenues that will restore health take a great deal of time, money and discernment.

I've now painted a miserable picture!

Here's another view.

I married a good man.  He is a good dad.  He is loyal and faithful. He has never complained about providing for our family.  I know he didn't want to get on that airplane today.  But he is a hard worker and will always take care of us.  When he's not working, he's working.  He listens to me talk about each kid and then does what is needed to reach out to them during that small window he is home, or over skype!  He forfeits sleep and rest (even with jetlag) so that he can be with us.  He is a good man.

We have been blessed beyond measure in so many ways. Our bodies are strong and functioning.  We have the means to pay for good health care and medication (at least for now!).  We have cars with over 100k miles that seem to be doing just fine (knock on wood!).  We have a roof over our heads and within these walls we have a safe haven that protects us from more than the harsh elements this earth provides.  We have kids who are learning how to be good people and want to be.  They are learning that their challenges are often what turns them to the things that matter most in life, rather than seeing them as obstacles in their way.  We are given opportunities to grow closer together and rely on each other.  We have felt the joy that comes each time we are reunited and know there isn't a greater feeling than being together after being apart.  We have a great support network from our parents who constantly provide relief, support and love.

I've learned if others are painting a miserable picture of their life, they are not seeing the good.  And if they are painting a perfect picture, they are not acknowledging/sharing the bad!

As Mormons, we believe that opposition is essential to God's plan.  We are free to choose liberty and eternal life through Jesus Christ or captivity and death, according to the power of the devil.

"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things...righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad...and if ye shall say there is no law, ye shall also say there is no sin.  If ye shall say there is no sin, ye shall say there is no righteousness.  And if there be no righteousness, there be no happiness.  And if there be no righteousness or happiness there be no punishment nor misery.  And if these things are not there is no God.  And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon.

 For there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon." (Book of Mormon, p.58)

I have learned where there is resistance, there are greater blessings right around the corner.  We have felt the tug and pull of these slight challenges recently, but we have also seen unexplainable miracles unfold in regard to all of these challenges.  Likewise, where God is seeking to provide blessings, the adversary (Satan) is working overtime to create temptation and feelings of doubt and insecurity in us. If you are feeling weighed down, learn to feel the opposite.  If you are without hope, trust in the opposite.  If nothing seems to roll your way, wait for the opposite. 

Because I am a Mormon, I will look to my Savior, Jesus Christ, and do all I can to be faithful and choose eternal life.  I believe this is the way to happiness in this life and the world to come.  I do recognize there is another way to live, an opposite; but misery is not something I plan to welcome into my life any time soon!!

I love this family picture because we were all laughing at something when the timer went off on the camera! 

 

What I Learned from Being Mary

When Martha and her sister Mary, of Bethany, were pleading for Jesus to come quickly and heal their brother, they did so in great faith.  They knew Him and loved Him.  They had been witnesses to many miraculous events and knew that if there was a way to save the life of Lazarus, their beloved brother, Jesus Christ was the way.  They believed in Him without question.

But He didn't come.  At least not when they wanted Him to come.

Their sorrow arose from their grief; knowing that if He had been there, their brother would not have died. 

I know what it is like to place all my faith in Jesus Christ, whom I know can do all things, and plead for His help, only to experience the same grief and sorrow when it seems He has not come.  Most of us do.  It is difficult not to wonder and question, why?

As I've pondered this story over and over again the past couple of months, I have learned so much.  One lesson in particular is that when Jesus actually does come and He sees what has happened to Lazarus and sees the sisters' pain and suffering, He weeps.

Now I used to think he wept because He was sad Lazarus had died.  He saw the women were sad, too, and I thought the lesson here was that Jesus Christ can comfort us in our time of need because He feels our pains.  Although, I believe this to be true, I do not believe it is the lesson to be learned.  At least not for me the past several weeks.

Jesus Christ was perfectly obedient to His Father.  Perfectly.  Mary, Martha, the people of Bethany, and all the world needed to see that Jesus could raise Lazarus from the dead.  We needed to know what He meant when He said "I am the Resurrection and the Life, he that believeth in me shall never die." If He had come when they called, that lesson would have been missed by all.  I believe that He had the power to come sooner and heal Lazarus, but that He was exercising His perfect obedience, and in doing so, His own heart couldn't stand that those He loved were suffering.  And so the tears came.  And eventually, so did the miracle.

My experience in participating in Rob Gardner's Lamb of God production as Mary of Bethany has taught me so many beautiful things. I was taught in much the same way as Mary was taught.  As I sought much needed help, it didn't come when I wanted it to come.  Even though I believed with all of my heart that the only way I could perform was through His help, I felt that the help was withheld from me for some time.  It caused me to question my abilities, my motives, and I often asked myself, why am I doing this?  I became discouraged and felt similar to how Mary must have felt as I sought the Lord's help in prayer.  I knew that He could help me and strengthen me; I never once doubted His ability to help me; but I questioned where that help was.

Well, it also eventually came.  Not when I wanted it to, but when it was going to teach me the most.  Days leading up to the performance,  many miracles took place.  My confidence grew; not in myself, but my confidence in my God.  Through an inspired Director, I was given opportunities that made a huge difference in my performance.  He gave me his confidence.  Through a kind and gifted mentor and teacher, I was given professional suggestions on how to manage nerves and anxiety on stage.  She, too, gave me her confidence.  Through a loving and supportive husband, I was given constant assurance that I could do this, that I needed to do this.  And through a perfectly obedient Savior, I was given peace and strength.  I was given His confidence.  I can't say I wasn't nervous, but I knew He had not left me to myself.  I gave it my all, and pray that it was enough.

Because I am LDS, I believe in Jesus Christ's power to heal us not only in our time of need, but in His time.  He is our Advocate with the Father.  It isn't that He wants us to suffer, but that He is obedient to His Father who knows what is best for us.  Though it seems at times He is far from us, He will always come in the moment that is necessary to best teach us.  And just like Mary, we will understand as we realize that if He had come sooner, the lessons would never have been learned.  We must hold on until help comes.

As hard as that can be, it is always worth the wait.

My Yellow Apron

As a young girl I had a bright yellow apron with tiny strawberry buttons.  Like most little girls, when my mom was baking and wearing her apron, I wanted to put on that yellow apron and bake, too.

The thing I remember most about this yellow apron is how it came to be mine.

I can't remember her face.  And I can't remember a name. (And my mom's memory is poor, she probably can't even remember this happening.)  But it was impressed upon my memory so much that it has influenced choices I make with my own children.  But there was a lady who lived nearby our family.  My mom used to visit this woman and she brought me along.  On one of her visits, the lady told me she wanted to help make me an apron.  I got to pick out the strawberry buttons.  I must have been four years old.

At the time, I was too young to understand this woman and her circumstances.  As an adult, I still don't know, but I have a very good feeling that this was a woman who was in need.  She probably wasn't my mom's first choice of a friend; I remember my parents having a lot of other friends.  I have little doubt that my mom was trying to make a difference in this person's life.  I don't ever remember her coming to my house.  I only remember visiting hers.

There are countless memories of tagging along while my mom went from house to house offering a helping hand, bringing meals, attending Tupperware parties to show support, and sharing her faith and talents with those who needed it.  She didn't do this because she had extra time on her hands.  She did this because she is a disciple of Jesus Christ and has made a promise to Him that she would bear another's burdens, mourn with those who mourn, and serve. 

These types of memories don't fade.  There is a lot I can't remember about my childhood, but these times seem to be stuck there.  Maybe because I needed to know how impressionable service opportunities would be for my own kids.  Because now as a parent, when an opportunity is there, I want my kids to be with me.  I want them to see that happiness in this life doesn't come from "things" but from service.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there are countless opportunities to serve.  We are admonished to look for these opportunities and pray for them daily.  Often times, when I pray for an opportunity to serve, I'm guided to one of my own children or even my husband and a need they have that day.  Sometimes I have a feeling to call someone.  And sometimes, it is to give a compliment or a smile. I have been given assignments at church that have taken as much of my time as a full-time job!  There has never been a penny received in compensation!  My husband worked a 14 hour day yesterday.  Very normal for him.  But after that long day, I got a phone call from him letting me know he was going to be late because he needed to go help someone move some furniture.  There was no complaint, though I could hear in his voice it had been a long day.  He came home with a smile on his face and was grateful he got off work just in time to help.  My husband is also a disciple of Jesus Christ and has made a promise to bear another's burdens, mourn with those who mourn and serve.

Are members of my Church more kind than others?  No.  But members of my church have been taught, trained and admonished to serve their fellow men. From an early age, we participate in service projects, watch our parents care for the needs of others, we learn from scriptures how Christ served and we do our best to emulate Him.  There is also the challenge from the Savior himself who admonished us to serve those who persecute us. 

Just as little girls want to wear aprons and look just like their moms while baking, little children are learning from their parents example in how they live their lives.  My mom didn't teach me to serve with words.  That would have been very ineffective.  She has taught me to serve by the way she lives her life.  I hope to do the same for my kids.  They live in a selfish, self-centered world.  No wonder there is so much unhappiness.  If I can teach them this one thing, their lives will have more meaning and they will find happiness.

Because I am a Mormon, I have dedicated my life to a life of service.  For I believe that when I serve others, I am really serving my God.

Why Missionaries Knock on Doors.

Probably because of where I was raised, I felt my “church life” and my “school life” were very separate.  I wasn’t ashamed of my religion, but I wasn’t very open about it either. I was perfectly content keeping it to myself!  When questions were asked, I answered them; but that was it.  My parents took us to church, taught us right from wrong and had high moral expectations of us, but there wasn’t a lot of doctrinal religion being taught in my home.  I believed in our faith, but lacked a lot of understanding.

At age 18, I moved to Provo, Utah where I was one among thousands of LDS college kids.  Religion was everywhere.  I met people who talked about religion anytime, anywhere.  This was so foreign to me.  As a student at Brigham Young University, I was required to enroll in religion classes.  I had read The Book of Mormon and Bible in high school and had a general understanding of the doctrine of my religion, but it wasn’t until attending these classes that I gained a deeper understanding and knowledge about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.  My professors were so knowledgeable about ancient times, historical and religious practices, and things of a spiritual nature. The stories came to life for me and I had no doubt I was reading about real people from thousands of years ago.  As my understanding increased, my belief in Mormonism grew.  I developed a closer relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ.  For the first time in my life, I read scriptures every day.  I prayed to my Heavenly Father morning and night.  I began to ask real questions and sought answers.  And I found them.  Things had always resonated with me since I was a child, but this was different.  I was putting pieces together.  A natural and immediate response to my deeper understanding was my desire to share what I understood with those who I loved.  I began to engage in conversations about religion and took every opportunity to clear up misunderstandings when they were presented.  Looking back, I recognize I was probably a bit overbearing!  But I was a changed person.  I could no longer separate my secular life with my spiritual life.

At age nineteen, Mormon young men are asked to serve a 2 year mission to anywhere in the world (not their choice), at their own expense. All three of my brothers served...in Italy, Guatemala and Spain.  For ladies, it is an 18 month mission at age  21.  I had every desire to go, but ultimately, I chose to get married before I had the opportunity.  There are many misconceptions about why Mormons serve missions.  A friend once told me she had heard that the more people LDS members “convert” to Mormonism, the greater reward they receive in heaven!  Another shared with me with certainty (I love when others are so certain what I believe!) that I would own more “kingdoms in heaven” if I led more people to baptism.  I don’t know where people learn these things...but it simply isn't true and has nothing to do with why I share my beliefs.

My religion has made every good difference in my life.  It has given me direction.  Jesus Christ is very real to me and I feel close to Him.  I believe He is the Savior of the World.  And I want others to know Him as I do and more importantly, feel His love.  I see people who once believed as I do and have turned away, and the light in their faces is dimmed.   I’ve known others who search for happiness in worldly ways and end up feeling empty and alone.  But I have also witnessed people’s lives being changed for good as they accept Jesus Christ as their Savior. What was once dark and empty is now full of joy and peace.  There are many good religious and non-religious, happy and sad people in this world.  But like everyone, it is natural to want to share good things with others because we know it is a good thing!  There are no selfish motives involved.  It is a genuine effort to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. I recognize there are others, a whole lot of others, who aren’t interested, and that’s okay!  I love them still!

So please don’t take offense when someone (like me) tries to share a message of hope with someone like you.  Please be kind when you see two young men in suits knocking on doors or riding bicycles to their next appointment.  Their motives are pure and they have sacrificed a crazy-out-of-the-ordinary amount for a college-aged person.  If you aren’t interested, there will be no hard feelings!  They are not salesmen!  They’ve been taught to find those interested, to respect others' choices; not to engage in debate or be pushy. They are simply trying to give you a gift, if you want it.  And for what its worth, these missionaries come home CHANGED.  I am a witness of this--I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes!  As a parent, I couldn’t wish anything greater for my children.  There isn’t a better way for people at this age to learn to think beyond themselves, to be diligent, hardworking, frugal, independent, devoted, better at problem-solving, humble, loving and enduring through hard times.  My husband has all of these qualities and no doubt, they were increased by his mission to Morristown, New Jersey, where he had doors slammed in his face left and right, a gun pulled on him and he was spit on!  But if you ask him today what was the hardest thing?...those things don’t come to his mind.  He told me the hardest part of his mission was always when someone was so close to making a big change in their life--a change that would make every good difference for their family and their own happiness--and ultimately, they didn’t have the faith to make the necessary changes and they gave up.

Because he was committed to something greater than himself, sincere heartache was more difficult than his pride or the fear of losing his own life.  How can something so sincere come from a selfish motive?

As Mormons, we take Matthew 28:19-20 from the Bible literally:

“Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost . . .and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.”


Because I am a Mormon, I want to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with others simply because I want to spread the happiness and peace it has given to me.

Brandon on his mission to New Jersey--1991.  I've never met these women, but I know he loves them!

Brad and me at SLC Airport--he's leaving for Rome, Italy--1995

Family get together in Snohomish, WA in 2000 sending Jeremy off to Guatemala.

Bailey and Uncle Jeremy 2002

Bailey and Uncle Tyler in Provo, UT before going into the Missionary Training Center--2003

Spain is a far, far away place for a two year old!

Almost as good as Christmas...

Like most children, I remember as a young girl coloring Easter eggs, finding hidden eggs, then finding my Easter basket, getting a nice Easter dress to wear to church and of course, the Easter bunny.  (Though I never pictured an actual bunny, it was more like a six foot character you see dressed up at the mall....)   It was like a second Christmas--but not quite as good.

As a teenager, I once heard a young man speak and it had an impact on me.  He was a quadriplegic as the result of a boating accident.  He spoke of the Resurrection--the reuniting of his body and spirit, no longer subject to death or accident-- and what it meant to him.  It had a profound effect on me as I was able to see how this man, whose body was crippled and without proper function, had hope for a day when his body would once again be made whole.  After hearing him speak, whenever the Resurrection was mentioned around Easter time, I associated my thoughts with this man and others who were in need of a new body.  But I was still far from understanding.

Jesus is the Christ.  That doesn't mean much to a lot of people.  But it means everything!  It is hard for me to understand why the Jews were so blind that they couldn't see who He truly was; it is hard for me to believe that one of His closest friends betrayed Him for just 30 pieces of silver; it is too much for me to imagine the pain He suffered for all of mankind.  For me. 

But aren't we all guilty of betraying Him in some way or another?  Aren't we all blind to some degree?  Haven't we all added to His suffering and pain?

When Christ was risen from the tomb on that Easter morning over two thousand years ago, it meant so much more than my human mind can comprehend.  The pain and sorrow of death was wiped away.  It made all things possible through Him.  Not only for those whose bodies have failed them, or for the grieving parents who've lost their child to death, but for those who betray Him every day--for each of us.  Christ died because it was necessary for us.  But Hope did not die when Jesus Christ was crucified.  Because of the Resurrection, hope must reach all of us.  There is nothing that hope cannot touch.

I am still far from understanding the Atonement of Jesus Christ, His life and the meaning of all things. I know He is my Redeemer, that He lives today.  He loves me and is my advocate with the Father. I have felt that.  His mercy extends to all of us, no matter how much we have betrayed Him.  No matter our blindness. 

Everyone will be resurrected--those who followed the Savior, and those who did not.  He died that we might all live again. Families can be together forever.


Easter isn't second to Christmas.  Jesus Christ's birth would mean nothing without His Resurrection!

Because I am a Mormon, I believe in a Resurrected Christ.  He lives!

There is hope for all of us.

Symbol of Life

As a child, I could always distinguish between a Mormon church and any other Christian denomination's building.  Our buildings were often constructed with the same red brick, the same architecture and the same well-groomed grounds.  But what clued me in the quickest was to look up.  If there wasn't a cross, most often it was one of ours.

Christians the world over use the cross as a symbol of their Christianity.  I understand and respect the significance of the cross as a symbol of others' outward expression of what is sacred to them.  But I do not use this symbol for the same purpose.  In fact, it is discouraged among members of our church to use the cross as a symbol in any building, temple, home, book or even a necklace!  The cross represents the crucifixion and death of the Savior of the World.  It was a common form of punishment in the day of Christ.  Many people were killed by the cross, not just Jesus. 

We choose to celebrate the Living Christ, not His death.

I love Christmastime.  The whole world seems to be singing songs of faith, family, doing good to others, and Jesus Christ.  We honor His birth by remembering Him through song, story and service.  There isn't another month in the year where so many focus on such good things. 

We've all heard the story a million times...Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus, the wise men, the shepherds, the angel...It is good to hear it each year and I love that my children can now tell the story as well.  But I want them to know so much more than the story of His birth.  I want them to know that He lives.  And because He lives, we can overcome sin, sorrow and death.  Because He lives, our lives have more meaning and purpose than we can ever know. Because He lives, we are loved. The prophecies of His birth flood the pages in the Bible.  Historically speaking, because of the prophecies, the Jews were awaiting a King to be born to come and rule them.  They were looking in the wrong places. They did not anticipate Him coming in the humble way He did.  (Likewise, we are often searching and hoping for something and miss it because it doesn't come in the way we expect.)  The Jews ended up killing their long awaited King.  Sadly, they did not recognize who He was.  Even more sadly, so many do not know Him today or recognize His mercy and love. 

I know that Christ came to the earth as a baby in Bethlehem; He lived on the earth, He was killed (foretold by prophets who lived long before He came), and He was resurrected three days later (also prophesied).  He lives today.  I have read His words in the New Testament, I have read the prophecies in the Old, He is the Savior of all men.  All the songs we sing are in honor and praise of Him as the Redeemer of the World.  He was not just a great man, He is the Son of God.  I do not comprehend all things, and I can't explain most things, but I believe He is real.

When former President of the Church, Gordon B. Hinckley, was asked by a minister of another faith why he didn't see a cross in any of our temples, President Hinckley said, “The lives of our people must become the only meaningful expression of our faith and, in fact, therefore, the symbol of our worship.”

Because I am a Mormon, the symbol of my faith is not the cross.  Hopefully, it is the way I live my life in an effort to emulate the life of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

I hope to wear that around my neck all the days of my life.

After All I Can Do

Ninth grade was a rough year for me.  As an honor student, I let my grades slip (of course, when they started to count!)  Basketball was my life and all of a sudden I wasn't keeping up with the competition that a bigger school had to offer.  I had health challenges and back problems. For the first time, my closest friendships were challenged.  I often felt I was letting people down.  Life was getting harder and I don't think I was quite prepared for it!  I had LOVED 8th grade and life seemed so much easier then!!!  But I was sitting in Ms. Wade's 9th grade English class one day and for whatever reason, I remember committing myself to be PERFECT--right then and there. From that minute forward, I was never going to make a mistake. I would play by the book and follow every rule to a T. I would get perfect grades, give my all in everything I did, be perfectly kind and live a perfect life...

As a 14 year old, in my naivety, I believed this was possible.

Sadly, I did not yet understand one of the greatest principles that now governs my life.

Adam and Eve had an opportunity to be perfect. They lived in the Garden of Eden and knew no evil, no temptation, no sorrow. But they also knew no joy, happiness or what it was like to have a family. Because Adam and Eve ate the fruit which they were commanded by the Lord not to eat, they were separated from God's presence and became lost; subject to all the pains and sorrows of this world. This was essential to our Heavenly Father's plan for all of His spirit children. If Adam had not fallen and had remained in their perfect condition, we would not be on this earth today. Equally important to this plan was the need for redemption so that we, His children, would not be lost forever.

We needed a Savior.

As God's children, we are not punished for Adam's transgressions. Yes, we are all subject to the harsh realities of this life, but all is not lost forever!  Jesus Christ redeems us from our shortcomings, weaknesses, sins and heartache. Without Him, none of us would have the opportunity and privilege to return to live with God. We cannot be perfect because we are human! But through our Savior, Jesus Christ, we can. After all we can do, He makes up the difference.

I play the piano. I consider myself an untrained pianist. My mom taught me the basics but around age 9-10, I made it clear that I wanted to play what I wanted to play, when I wanted to play it. Typical! I spent a lot of time at the piano plunking out melodies and gradually, I improved. My technique and form were nothing to be proud of, but my sight-reading skills were pretty good and I loved playing. I spent hours on that squeaky bench in our living room each night and am grateful for that time. It wasn't until college when I received formal instruction that I learned how much I didn't know about the piano! But still, I am forever grateful to my mom for teaching me and for the hours I spent as a teen playing and composing my own music. I can't remember for sure, but I think it was when I was 17, my church was producing a musical presentation commemorating the LDS pioneers. I was asked to play a piano solo. The piece I was to play was too difficult for me and I knew it. But I practiced and practiced and practiced.  On the evening of the performance, I prayed that I would be able to play that song, perfectly. Considering I hadn't mastered it in my own living room, it was quite a stretch to believe that this could be done. But I did have faith in prayer at the age of 17, and I knew it could be done.

I played that song with zero mistakes.

I wish I had a recording of it because I'd like to know now if it sounded as great as I felt! All I knew at the time, and now, was that my fingers had extra help that night. I felt it! I was given extra help, after all I could do on my own.

As a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a teacher and an individual, I fail everyday.  I disappoint people. I hurt feelings. I am selfish. I let people down. I get tired. I want to give up.  I fear what I'm doing to my children! But I clearly understand the principle of giving all I have, and allowing the grace of God to make up the difference. Admittedly, as a Latter-day Saint woman, there is a high expectation that often times feels so far out of my reach.  Its no wonder that so many LDS women suffer from depression and feelings of inadequacy! But I have learned that those feelings do not come from God! It is not His way. I am sad for those who do not yet understand this principle. I am sad for those who feel that its too late to try, that they aren't worth it or that too much is required of them.  The Lord's mercy is real and available to everyone...always.

Because I am a Mormon, I believe that Jesus Christ is my Savior. He's made it possible for me to be better than I am on my own.  My best effort is enough.

Words I Never Said

I saw a headline this week of an article that read:

"Mitt Romney: part of Mormon cult".

Politics aside, let me just say, Mitt and I have something in common.

It was my junior year in high school and I was sitting in my English class. There were two girls who sat in front of me talking to a boy who sat next to them. The girls were trying to explain to this young man that, surely, he would never go to heaven. The boy asked one of the girls why not? and she told him that he hadn't found Jesus. The boy then turned to me and asked if I believed in Jesus. I said yes. One of the girls quickly turned to him, not to me, and said that, in fact, I did not believe in Jesus, but that I belonged to a cult.

What was a cult anyway? I had no idea.

In my 16 year old insecure way, I let it be. But it bothered me on many different levels; that she would tell this young boy he would never go to heaven, that she didn't even know me and told of my beliefs--which were false; and that she had made assumptions about me based on my religion alone, which she obviously knew very little about.

Jesus Christ was crucified for being who He was. He went about doing good yet was despised for it. He never made an apology for who He was or what His life was about. His life didn't begin in Bethlehem when he was born or end on Calvary when He was crucified. He was foreordained before the earth was created to be the Redeemer of the world and to save us from our sins. And He will forever be the Living Christ.

I wish I could rewind back to that day and say this to that girl:

I do believe in Jesus.

I wish I could tell her I know that God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to the earth to be a perfect example for all of mankind; that He wasn't just a man, but a God and that He was the only one who could accomplish this because he was God's only begotten Son. I would tell her that every day of my life I wake up and pray that I can be more like Him, that the qualities He taught while He lived on the earth are the very principles I am trying to instill in myself and my children; that I also know that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world. I would want her to know that I feel His love when I am sad, lonely or hurt. He is my friend.

More importantly, to that boy in my English class, I would say that I believe there is hope for him to go to heaven!

I have often wondered how many others viewed me as being part of a cult, or even a non-Christian. Probably more than I would like to think. This story I share was not a single incident that happened in my life where my eyes were opened to the way others viewed me. There have been many. Maybe someone is reading this right now who still sees me this way. But, like my Savior, I will not make an apology for what I believe or who I believe in. I am grateful for the different religions throughout the world who talk of Christ, rejoice in Christ, preach of Christ and point their children to Him that they might know what source to look for a remission of their sins. This is the gospel of Jesus Christ that provides hope, happiness and peace. I'm not sure why there are so many people who do not include me in the circle of Christian denominations, or who are derogatory in their comments toward my faith, but that's okay.

Because I am a Mormon, I am a Christian. And I believe in Jesus Christ.